i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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