I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
