is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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