office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
