Buhtt sex?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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