my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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