I think im going to throw up on grandma
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
