Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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