Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
