i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
