JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
