True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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