I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
