What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
