do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
