a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
