i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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