Your face is a jimmy john
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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