You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
