Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
