my mouth tastes like poor choices
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
