Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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