brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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