The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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