You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
