well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
