we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
