bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
