Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Help. Why am I so naked?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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