I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
