Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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