I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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