our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
