This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
