i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
