Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
