That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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