Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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