Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
