i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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