i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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