I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
