shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We are all done wearing pants today
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
