When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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