Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
