I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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