I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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