he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I would ride that face into the sunset
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Please don't give away my fajitas
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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