either way he was missing a nipple.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
