I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
