Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
