I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
