the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
