i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
