Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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