This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
